I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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