some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
