12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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