Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
