Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
