Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
