I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
