3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
