I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
