Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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