it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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