I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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