I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
