Where is the hickey?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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