omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
