Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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