I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
