And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
