you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
