My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
