if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Someone shattered a urinal.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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