I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
