hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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