some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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