Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
