it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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