there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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