You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
