I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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