How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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