we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
