She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
