Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
