I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize