I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just pee around me
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
