booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
