my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Is it because I queefed?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
