you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
