i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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