I accidentally burped into my bong.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
