I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Randomize
