I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize