He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
