Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
