He asked to "fluff my boner.."
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
He has the fingertips of a God
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
