I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
