He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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