i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize