It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
