i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
