Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
