I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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