If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
