I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize