just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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