Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
