you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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