How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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