there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
