So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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