Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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