If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
