wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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