i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
where are you?
Hypothermia
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
