how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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