so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
