He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
