3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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