wat bout pragnant strippers??
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
