I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
