New invention idea: vibrating tampons
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
