dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
