DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize