Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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