even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
